There once was a girl from the Sticks
Who liked to suck Mexican dicks
Hot sauce in her hands she’d slob on their glands
And then they’d mortar her bricks
Re-Gifting
Well….it’s that time of year again. Christmas…..time to dig out all those shitty gifts you got last year and re-gift them. Re-gifting is not a new phenomenon but with times being as hard as they are you could end up being a hero to someone.
I’ll give you a scenario…..last year…..your wife’s aunt Jeanna gave you a flannel shirt. A size XXL and you wear a medium.
When she realized what she’d done and the sheer humor in the situation……she told you to use it to wash your car. WTF!!!!
How bout I use it to mop up the fuckin’ oil I spilled all over the garage because I can’t pay someone else to do it because my wife bounced a check this week and now I’m stuck here all Saturday anyways……..(but I digress).
Also…..when you receive all those garbage gifts at the dirty Santa party at work……….put those in your re-gifting stash. The $2.99 candle with a glass lid that is supposed to smell like fresh baked apple pie but really it smells like fresh baked apple ass.
The spending limit was $15……so whoever bought that jewel came in waaaaay under budget. How lovely that you got stuck with this pile of shitty wax…put it in the gift bank for when you need it. Harold and Barbara your old neighbors drop by and bring you some kinda cheap ass chocolate covered cherries that they picked up at the wal-mart……….bust out the candle and the flannel shirt and you’ve got yourself a GIFT EXCHANGE!!
These are two simple examples of how you can give the gifts that (more than likely) keep on giving. Merry Christmas!!
I’ll give you a scenario…..last year…..your wife’s aunt Jeanna gave you a flannel shirt. A size XXL and you wear a medium.
When she realized what she’d done and the sheer humor in the situation……she told you to use it to wash your car. WTF!!!!
How bout I use it to mop up the fuckin’ oil I spilled all over the garage because I can’t pay someone else to do it because my wife bounced a check this week and now I’m stuck here all Saturday anyways……..(but I digress).
Also…..when you receive all those garbage gifts at the dirty Santa party at work……….put those in your re-gifting stash. The $2.99 candle with a glass lid that is supposed to smell like fresh baked apple pie but really it smells like fresh baked apple ass.
The spending limit was $15……so whoever bought that jewel came in waaaaay under budget. How lovely that you got stuck with this pile of shitty wax…put it in the gift bank for when you need it. Harold and Barbara your old neighbors drop by and bring you some kinda cheap ass chocolate covered cherries that they picked up at the wal-mart……….bust out the candle and the flannel shirt and you’ve got yourself a GIFT EXCHANGE!!
These are two simple examples of how you can give the gifts that (more than likely) keep on giving. Merry Christmas!!
The Accidental Fart
I hate it when this happens.....no...wait......I hate it at the time but later its funny as hell..........
So, lets say your at a dinner meeting with some co-workers. You laughing it up maybe drinking a bit. And your bosses boss is there, the Big Man. Lets say your talking about........the Pittsburgh Penguins (which your totally passionate about). Then someone says something funny and you let out a huge fart right in front of 2 women.
The table goes silent and everyone looks at you. One girl laughs out loud immediately while the other looks embarrassed. Then the rest of the meal is a massive attempt to act like no one heard it.
I hate that.....don't you?
Fancy Light-up Circus Swords
Remember when we were kids and went to the circus. They would have those $27.50 swords that light up.
Remember how you begged, and begged and begged and begged and begged and begged and begged and begged for the cool ass $27.50 light up circus sword. But your parents said no. Then you cried your ass off, but they still said no. They said ask Santa for one. So, you ask Santa for one. And for some reason he is giving you the finger in the picture.
But still you ask him. Then, come Christmas morning you realize just why he was giving your ass the bird. You got this piece of shit.
So I say, Santa next time you wanna bring me a lame ass piece of shit sword stick it in your asshole.
Remember how you begged, and begged and begged and begged and begged and begged and begged and begged for the cool ass $27.50 light up circus sword. But your parents said no. Then you cried your ass off, but they still said no. They said ask Santa for one. So, you ask Santa for one. And for some reason he is giving you the finger in the picture.
But still you ask him. Then, come Christmas morning you realize just why he was giving your ass the bird. You got this piece of shit.
So I say, Santa next time you wanna bring me a lame ass piece of shit sword stick it in your asshole.
Pinch-n-Roll
Fun Fact of the Day!!
Funnybros nutsacks' VS Earth
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